MY SWEETHEART

I found something new.......I found something very very delicious and haha it's my new love affair

CUPCAKES.....found this lovely place to buy these cakes...it's just right opposite IKEA called Cupcake CHIC.......however it's a bit pricey...for 6 pieces about RM 25 (RM 4.50 for one). And the names are kinda cute....Naughty and nice, It's Chocolate, Black and white.....have rum and raisin too..

ONE MONTH

How time flies...........seriously........by end of this week I would have finished 4 months here in Rasa. I'm beginning to love the people and the work here albeit still being a very ulu place. I love the church I'm in. I love the fact that I don't have strings attached to me.

In a spur of the air asia promotion. I decided to treat myself and my mum. Bought 3 tickets to S'pore for next August. My mum has been ranting about how she had lost contact with her cousins and when I suggested to her to go S'pore she always say the same 3 things......1) No passport 2) Transport expensive and 3) No money. Haha this time I was already ready to answer her 3 worries 1) Got passport dee mah, some more use to go Hatyai so don't waste luh 2) Air asia promotion le........RM 150 per person both ways...where got such things wan..... 3) Aiyah already got place to stay....just need money for food and travel................................finally she said yes so Yipee!!!

It's been one month since I've made the biggest decision in my life. At first kinda hard to make such a decision, but I needed to make a stand on it. I was tired of guessing and also tired of trying. Has it been easy? No.......it hasn't.....I still some days still wonder What if? or Did I? or If I? Questions that I don't think I can answer.................Where do I go on? Well step by step.....Can't really force myself to be fully healed from it but I guess God was the bigger man in this decision. I'm not sure what the future brings but I know it will be great :)

DON'T EVER EVER GIVE UP

One day I decided to quit....
I quit my job, my relationship, my spirituality. .. in fact I wanted to quit my life.
I went to the woods to have one last talk with God..

"God", I asked, "Can you give me one good reason not to quit?"

His answer surprised me...

"Look around", He said. "Do you see the fern and the bamboo?"

"Yes", I replied.

"When I planted the fern and the bamboo seeds, I took very good care of them.
I gave them light.I gave them water.The fern quickly grew from the earth.
Its brilliant green covered the floor. Yet nothing came from the bamboo seed. But I did not quit on the bamboo.

In the second year the Fern grew more vibrant and plentiful.

And again, nothing came from the bamboo seed. But I did not quit on the bamboo.. He said.

"In year three there was still nothing from the bamboo seed.

But I would not quit.

In year four, again, there was nothing from the bamboo seed. I would

not quit." He said.

"Then in the fifth year a tiny sprout emerged from the earth. Compared to the fern it was seemingly small and insignificant. ..

But just 6

months later the bamboo rose to over 100 feet tall.

It had spent the five years growing roots. Those roots made it strong and gave

it what it needed to survive..

I would not give any of my creations a challenge it could not handle.."

He asked me. "Did you know, my child, that all this time you have been struggling,

you have actually been growing roots".

"I would not quit on the bamboo.

I will never quit on you."

"Don't compare yourself to others."

He said.

"The bamboo had a different Purpose than the fern.

Yet they both make the forest beautiful."

"Your time will come", God said to me.

"You will rise high"

"How high should I rise?"

I asked.

"How high will the bamboo rise?" He asked in return.

"As high as it can?" I questioned.

"Yes." He said, "Give me glory by rising as high as you can."

I left the forest and brought back this story.

I hope these words can help you see that God will never give up on you.

Never, Never, Never Give up.

Don't tell God how big the problem is,

tell the problem how Great God is!

BEWARE ANGRY POST AHEAD

Hmm yes it's going to be an angry post........I've been feeling shit these days and it's hard for me to rise up..........After much thought with a mentor, she said it's important to deal with those anger with me in order to move on. I thought tat's true but I'm not that person who likes to be angry. In fact I am the type who just says it's okay......no point getting angry but mayb this time I need to say some things out (Viewer discretion: the following may or may not have bad words)

I'm angry at you:

1) For not being there for me when I needed you the most. Instead I got backfired for not being there for you.

2) For hurting my feelings with your words and actions. I feel like someone punch and slap me in the face.

3) For making things so hard for me, making me so conscious about what I do, what I say, what I choose.

4) For not appreciating the little things but looking at my little mistakes.

5) For just not trying ...........

I'm angry at myself:

1) For not maybe understanding you enough so that I can make you happy

2) For being fat and not as good looking as other guys

3) For not being a normal guy.....who doesn't love football, who cries, who might not fit as a macho guy, who is so emo

4) For choosing to come to where I am now rather than not staying

5) For not being the best of the best

6) For always looking for attention....................

I'm angry at the world:

1) For already draining me and yet stil wanting me to do more, but when I need help, excuses are everywhere

2) For just brushing off and saying it will heal but not making the effort to check on me

3) For keep asking me for help and yet brush me aside